Life interrupted…
22 Dec 2009 Leave a Comment
in Aging Parents, Christmas, Family, Midlife Tags: Christmas
In my last blog I told you that my life had been “interrupted” and so I was tardy in posting the answers to “Name that Tune” and the jokes.
It was my Mum. I needed to go and visit her. She is getting more confused, and having more problems with her memory. It’s life. It’s what happens. It’s not always fun and games, jokes and laughs. Much of life is messy and sad. It’s always been that way.
Just think about the first Christmas, over 2000 years ago. A young woman, pregnant for the first time. Her husband, who was not the father of the child. They were far from home. They were bone tired. The hotels and motels were all full up. The B&B’s had no vacancies. It was cold.
The baby was born and put in his first bed – an animal’s feeding trough. Both the mother and father survived. They even had visitors who were excited because angels had come to tell them about the baby!
Over the next few days I will be sharing some stories for you. Consider them as my gifts to you this Christmas. And, yes, it will happen because I’ve pre-programmed it! 
Christmas will come, whether we’re ready or not. And that’s a good thing.
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
Tune & Joke Answers
21 Dec 2009 Leave a Comment
in Christmas, Midlife Tags: Christmas, jokes, tunes
When I wrote the last post on December 16th I fully intended to post the answers the following day. But, life interrupted. And that’s just how life is…
Here are the answers – better late than never!
Name that tune:
1/ Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres
Jingle Bell Rock
2/ The apartment of two psychiatrists 
The Nutcracker Suite
3/ We are King, Lear and Nat Cole of China
We Three Kings of Orient Are
4/ Far off in a hay bin
Away in a Manger
Jokes:
A/ What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes
B/ What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
C/ What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic
D/ Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
I can hear the groans….especially from my children!
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
Kim, you're right! Silent Night.
16 Dec 2009 2 Comments
in Christmas, Midlife Tags: Christmas, jokes
CONGRATULATIONS Kimberley! You’re right! The answer is “Silent Night.”
Here are a few more Christmas tunes: 
1/ Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres
2/ The apartment of two psychiatrists
3/ We are King, Lear and Nat Cole of China
4/ Far off in a hay bin
(Feel free to leave your answer(s) in the comments.)
How are you at jokes? I hate to admit it, but I’m terrible. Oh, I’m good at telling them; I just can’t remember them! Sometimes I can remember the first half, but forget the last half – yes, the punch-line. Not good.
If you need some help in that area this Christmas, or maybe you’re looking for something to talk about with that aunt, cousin, nephew, you only see once a year, look no further! Okay, maybe just continue looking down this page….
A/ What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
B/ What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
C/ What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
D/ Why does Santa have three gardens?
Sit down, close your eyes, and let this Christmas music take you back to your childhood… What? Oh yeah, there I go again, forgetting the punch-line. Drop by tomorrow and I’ll have them for you. “All I want for Christmas is the mind that I misplaced…”
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
A choice…
12 Dec 2009 1 Comment
in Christmas, Life, Midlife Tags: Amy Grant, choices, Christmas, Enya, Silent Night
Have you ever noticed that regardless of the wonderful, or terrible, thing going on in your life the world continues to spin, as it always does. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, etc. continue in an orderly fashion as the sun rises and sets. The leaves fall in Autumn, the cold blows in for Winter….
And now, Christmas. Just like every year. So, let’s pull out the Christmas music, set up the nativity set, buy a few candy canes and lots of chocolate, watch for the best price on turkey, and celebrate. Let’s choose to celebrate. After all the mincemeat and Christmas puddings are already made.
“A little boy and girl were singing their favourite Christmas carol in church the Sunday before Christmas. The boy concluded “Silent Night” with the words, “Sleep in heavenly beans.” “No,” his sister corrected, “not beans, peas!”
And, while we’re talking music… what is the title of this Christmas tune?
Sir Lancelot with laryngitis
Feel free to put your answer in the comments. I’ll reveal the answer next time. Until then enjoy the beautiful music below.
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
Memory, movement and mincemeat
09 Dec 2009 9 Comments
in Aging Parents, Christmas, Family, Health, Midlife, mother Tags: geriatric, memory, mincemeat
After an unrealistic shot of hope and optimism at the geriatric assessment a few weeks ago, we are now settling into the glum reality of this stage in Mum’s life, and ours.
“I’m sorry but your mum has fallen again today – twice. We’re going to start taking her down to meals in a wheelchair. We’re concerned that she might really hurt herself one of these times….”
A walker all of her life – a “no nonsense” walker – the deterioration of her walking, and now this wheelchair travel, must be another harsh blow to our mum.
* * * * * * *
“Keep up, Denise.”
“Mummy, you’re walking too fast!”
“Well, just walk a little faster. Come on now, no dilly dallying.”
* * * * * * *
Some days she seems really good. Well, “really good” as in her present state of mind and movement is not so bad some days. And then there are the “other” days.
“Denise, you’ve come all this way from England to see me, again? That’s a lot of money you know!”
“No Mum, I haven’t just come from England. Yes, we did immigrate together when I was a toddler. And, yes, we did go on a trip together a couple of years ago. But, I don’t live in England.”
“Oh, Denise, I’m just so confused.”
* * * * * * *
But, in spite of all that, Christmas is coming and she has reminded us, often, that we need to get the mincemeat and the Christmas puddings made, and don’t forget the Christmas cards. And, in November, Karen and I did gather all the ingredients and Mum’s mincer and Christmas cards and Mum, and we had a great day reminiscing and peeling and mincing and baking and writing and laughing.
Shortly after that fun-filled day Mum phoned my sister, “Okay, Karen, now when are we going to make that mincemeat and Christmas pudding? It has to have time to age you know.”
We choose to laugh. The other choice is to cry. And crying is okay too, but you don’t want to stay in that place. At least, not when you grew up with a mother like ours who let us cry a little but then encouraged us (okay, maybe “demanded” is a better word!) to “buck up”, to not wallow, to “get on with it.”
So, we choose to laugh and our mum laughs with us. We laugh that she’s always complained about her memory, but now it really is bad. We laugh that she has always mixed up names – May, Frank, Karen, Mervyn… Denise! We laugh, because in many ways we’re just like her. And, we laugh, because we’re family. We stick together through thick and thin, good times and bad times, over smooth roads and rough. Because, as a family, we’re on this journey together.
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
It's only a cold, but…
29 Oct 2009 4 Comments
in Aging Parents, Health, Midlife, mother, Women Tags: cold, Family, memories, Midlife, mother, mum, mummy, sick
I want my mummy!
Drippy nose, hurting, stuffed-up head, coughing, slight fever from time to time and all the little bones in my face ache, and a bag of used Kleenex beside my chair…
I know it’s only a cold, but… I want my mummy!
If my mummy were here she would get me comfortable on the couch and tuck soft blankets around me. She’d put cool facecloths on my forehead and stroke my hair. She would take my temperature on a regular basis. She would insist I rest – no matter what I thought I had to do – and bring me books to read. Regular drinks would be brought to me all through the day. And, chicken soup – not the salty, overcooked store-bought kind, but homemade. Then, to help me sleep, my mum’s special hot lemon and honey at bedtime.
When I was a child I would get a doozy of a cold at least twice, if not three times, every year. But, it wasn’t so bad with my mummy looking after me. Okay, yes, sometimes she got impatient with me but all us kids have to try out the limits – right?
All stuffed up and coughing I phoned my mum the other night. I wanted to make sure she hadn’t come down with this dreadful cold because we had been together the day before it hit me. And, at 82, a cold can become a much more serious event.
“Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating? Drinking enough? Have you made yourself some hot lemon and honey?”
“I’ll be okay, Mum. Remember when I was little and you used to look after me when I was sick? You made the best hot lemon and honey – your secret recipe.”
“You need someone to look after you. You phone your son and tell him to come and get me. I’ll come and look after you…”
“Thanks Mum. But, really, I’ll be okay. I’m probably over the worst of it. And I sure don’t want you to get this! It’s…”
“Oh Denise, I won’t get sick!”
“I know Mum. Thank you. Tell you what. If I get any worse I’ll have you come.”
“Make sure you do, mind.”
Lately the retirement home has told Mum that she must use her walker; even just to go down to meals. Her walking is deteriorating… as is her memory… But, no matter the age of the mother, or the daughter, the relationship stands as it always has, ageless – a mother, a child, the instinct to look after one another just a part of who you are. I am blessed to have such a mother.
“Achoooo! Cough, cough, cough… I want my mummy!!!”
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
Jeremiah was a bull-frog
20 Sep 2009 14 Comments
in Life, Middle Age, Midlife Tags: Life, Middle Age, Midlife, Thoughts, Three Dog Night, Women
“Just an old-fashioned love song;” “One is the loneliest number;” The ink is black, the page is white;” “Jeremiah was a bull-frog”.
Hubby got a new CD of old songs recently. Three Dog Night. Songs from my heyday. Funny how a few lines of an old song can take you back to that time. A time of being young and fit, footloose and fancy-free. An entire lifetime ahead of me. Hmm, well I guess I’ve used up a lot of that life.
Has it passed me by? Or, have I really lived it? Have I enjoyed the good times? Have I learned through the challenges? Or I have just gone from one day to another? One event to another? One item on the calendar to another? Just trying to get through it, just trying to make it through another week, another day, another hour?
At 17 I enjoyed life. Yes, it had its challenges. I had my problems – some seemed insurmountable. But many new experiences awaited me. Life was exciting!
Over 30 years of marriage; three children, one son-in-law, three grandchildren, and other additions to our extended family; friends coming and going and staying; a variety of jobs – paid and volunteer; a parade of vehicles – new and used, cars, trucks, tractors and lawn-mowers; and a vast array of experiences, challenges, joys and obstacles are testament to the fact that my life has been anything but boring!
Right. So, why should it change now? After all, I’m not as old as my mother. Yes, we are related and chances are that I may have some of the same problems as she does – when I reach her age, if I reach her age. But, for now, I’m still mobile, have 20/20 vision – with my contact lenses, my hearing is good – maybe a bit selective, have nearly all my teeth, and my hair is the same colour as it was when I was 17 – okay, maybe with a little help…
Come to think of it I’m fairly footloose and fancy-free as well. My children are all grown-up and basically self-sufficient and on their own. I’ve trained my husband to take care of himself as well. I have a job I love and enough hobbies and things I want to do to last several life-times. Each one is sure to bring its own challenges, learning and joys.
So, I guess the choice is up to me. I can wonder how long I’ve got left to do the things I want to do. I can worry about my health and mobility. I can wallow in the gloomy possibilities.
Or, I can take a lesson from my mum. I can try to face every day with a smile and look for the laughs in the day. I can help others. And, when people ask, “How are you?” I can smile and say, “Happy and thankful.”
Because, in the end, who you are is not defined by your age, health, mobility or mind function, but by your spirit.
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
Road Trip Tales – Part Three
06 Sep 2009 15 Comments
in Aging Parents, Family, Friends, Middle Age, Midlife, mother, Sisters Tags: Family, Life, memories, Middle Age, middle aged, mother, road trip, Sisters
We had a comfortable night in the hotel – after finally finding one! Who would have thought we’d have trouble finding a room in Belleville, in the middle of the week!
We had a leisurely breakfast before we loaded into the car. A stop at a country craft and bake shop for goodies and baked goods and we were on our way to Aunty K. This time we took the major highway. Time for gawking about was over. It was time to just get there. It had been a year since our last visit.
Aunty K.’s face lit up when she saw us. “What a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”
She sat in her wheelchair, one side immobile. Her hair looked like it could use a good wash and a set. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
“Aunty K. How are you doing? You look good.”
And she did. She was a sight for sore eyes. Even with one arm she gave good hugs and her eyes twinkled.
We sat and chatted for a little while. Mum had eaten the last part of her sandwich in the car. “Of course it’s all right.” So Karen and I decided to go out for some lunch promising to bring back cups of tea to have with our dessert. We thought that the two friends might want to have some time for themselves.
Joining them after lunch we laughed until we almost cried, tears of joy and sadness blending, as we reminisced, drank our lukewarm tea from take-out cardboard cups and ate chocolate éclairs – freshly baked. We talked about cheeky mosquitoes in the church, baking pies in the cottage woodstove in 80F degree heat, and more. Memories of a time past, when Mum and Aunty K. got up early in the mornings to start the laundry, make breakfast, usher their children off to school. A time when they walked to… wherever, whenever they felt like it. They made their own cups of tea with boiling water in china teapots. We children feasted on the results of their hard work and love – roast beef with Yorkshire pudding and gravy, apple dumplings, skinny pancakes, ginger snaps and chocolate cake. A time when age was just a word.
Mum told Aunty K. about her new walker.
“That’s what I’ll need next,” Aunty K. informed us. “Today I stood up – first time since my stroke. I can hardly wait to get in my own apartment with my own furniture again.”
We agreed that would, indeed, be wonderful. And, yes, Mum could come to visit, stay a week, or more!
A helper came to wheel Aunty K. to the dining room for supper. It was time for us to go.
“We’ll come again. Shall we bring chocolate éclairs, or would you like something different next time.” “Not sure when we’ll get back…” “Yes, it’s been really lovely visiting with you…”
Amidst kisses and hugs we “walked” with her to the dining room. “Enjoy your supper!” “Good bye!” “See you soon!” “Take care!”
I looked over at Karen. We both swallowed harder. It was difficult to come, to psych ourselves up for the reality of “now”, but it was more difficult to say goodbye.
Mum broke the silence as we walked to the car, “It was really nice to see her again. Thank you, girls, for bringing me. I really appreciate it.”
I swallowed hard, again. After all, how big a deal was it – really? Two days to do something for two people who had loved me well, and helped shape me into the person I am. Two people who would, and had, sacrificed for me and yet expected nothing in return.
“Everybody have their seatbelts on?” I asked. “Mum, are you comfortable back there? Sure you don’t want to sit in the front?”
“I’m fine. Did you say you had another book for me to read?”
“Two more, I think. Right in that red bag there. Yep, that’s it. Whew, it sure is hot in here. Mum, I’m going to have to turn the air conditioning on.”
“Sure, that’s fine.”
“And, there is a pillow and a blanket if you need one.”
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
Road Trip Tales – Part Two
21 Aug 2009 11 Comments
in Aging Parents, Family, menopause, Middle Age, Midlife, mother, Sisters, Women Tags: Family, hot flashes, journey, Life, menopause, Middle Age, Midlife, mother, road trip
“I don’t remember being on this road before.”
Another half-hour drive and we decided to stay away from the major highways and enjoy some of the scenery. As kids the purpose of the trip was usually just to get there so we did very little sight-seeing along the way.
“You’re right, Mum. But, we decided we’d travel some new roads, see some new scenery. We thought you might like that.”
“But will there be time to visit Aunty K.?”
“Remember we told you that we were just going to travel to Belleville today and stay in a hotel tonight. We’ll have a leisurely breakfast and then make our way to Napanee in the morning to visit. We’ll be able to stay all day, until her supper time.”
“Oh, alright then.
A minute later her nose was buried in her book once again.
The car took us over rolling hills and through peaceful valleys. Patchwork fields, wildflowers waving in the breeze and trickling brooks danced across our field of sight. We enjoyed seeing the varied architecture of old houses and new, quaint villages and larger towns. We drove by the Bowmanville Zoo. Earlier we thought we might stop and visit there but the break at the mall convinced us that it would be too difficult for Mum.
“I don’t remember the trip taking this long.” Mum lifted her eyes from her book to the window. “I don’t remember being on this road before.”
A few hours later, with the help of “geeps”, my GPS, we found a nice “British pub” and restaurant.
“Where are we?”
“We’ve found an interesting place for supper, Mum, a British pub. They probably have some nice fish and chips.”
“I’ll just wait in the car. You can bring me a pack of chips.”
“Mum, you need to have some supper. We’ve found this nice place for you. I bet they make a really good cup of tea.”
“I’ve got part of that sandwich left, just bring me some chips.”
After some cajoling, arguing and putting our foot down, we helped Mum out of the car and up the stairs to the pub. Karen and I did enjoy a delicious meal of fish and chips. Mum had trifle. Following an arduous climb up, then down, a flight of stairs to use the “facilities” the three of us settled into the car again.
Continuing on minor highways and through a couple more towns we finally reached our destination for the evening.
“Are you sure the home will still let us in? It’s getting a bit late isn’t it?”
“We’re going to a hotel now, Mum.”
“But, I thought we were going to visit Aunty K.”
“Tomorrow, Mum. We’re going to have a leisurely breakfast and then spend the day with Aunty K. tomorrow.”
“Oh. Alright then. How much farther to the hotel? I’m nearly finished my book.”
“Nearly there. We’re in Belleville now.”
Overwhelmed by hot flashes I turned on the air conditioner – full blast.
“Mum, there’s a blanket there if you need it – and a pillow.”
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
Road Trip Tales – Part One
20 Aug 2009 4 Comments
in Aging Parents, Family, Life, Middle Age, Midlife, mother Tags: challenges, change, Family, journey, Life, Middle Age, Midlife, mother, road trip
The day dawned… a good way for any day to start.
First I picked up my sister – she was ready and waiting – then on to our mum’s. Mum was a little distressed when we arrived.
“I’ve been trying to phone Karen, but it’s not going through.”
“Did you remember to dial the area code first, Mum?”
In our area we now must dial the area code for a local call. This has been in place for some time but lately Mum forgets – at least half the time.
“I was wondering when you were coming.”
We looked around and instead of the one bag Karen had helped Mum pack the night before there were several. Amidst explanations we went through the bags. We were able to get it down to one bag for the hotel, one for the car and one full of magazines for Aunty.
A stop for coffee-to-go and we were on our way.
A couple of hours into our trip we took a detour to a large mall. There were some specialty exercise shoes my sister wanted to look at that weren’t available in our area. And, we had a surprise for Mum. She had been debating whether or not to get a walker. Karen and I knew it would give her more security and confidence in her walking so we got one for her. She was thrilled when we gave it to her and anxious to try it out.
Mum has always been a walker. Out of enjoyment, as well as necessity, she has walked miles and miles in her lifetime. In the past couple or so years, however, Mum’s walking has decreased and deteriorated as her legs have started to give out. She catches her shoe on a crack or unevenness in the pavement and stumbles. Her knee sometimes gives out, with no warning. She’s had a couple of falls. Now a pleasant walk, even a slow one, conjures up fear of falling. I thought that with her walker she would have a sense of freedom – something she’s been lacking since no longer having a car, or legs that are 100%.
So, off we went. Mum was excited at first and walked at a smart pace… then slower…up the sidewalk to the door, through the door, a few metres, then…
“Where are we going in the mall? Is it far?”
It was a struggle for her to walk, even with her walker, even with multiple rests and sit-downs, even with her determination, her stubbornness to do and to go. How had it come to this?
Let’s journey together.
© Denise Budd Rumble 2009
